The Bukkake Broadcast Corporation: Local Edition

I asked my friends if they ever watch the local news.  We were having a little puff and things were so mellow.  I don’t know why I would ask such a silly question … I just blurted it out.  My friends scoffed at first.  Finally, one fucker spoke up and admitted he watches only if Nicole Brady is on.  I’m not a fan of Brady.  She has a fake smile and I’m pretty sure she’s into some pretty twisted shit.  There’s something in her eyes that I find very troublesome.  Anyway, I gave my opinion regarding the local news anchors.  I only watch the local news when Antoinette Antonio is reading the news.  Why?  Well, surprise, surprise … she’s Asian!  Wow!  I think I need some serious psychiatric help.  I’ve gone from a mild case of Yellow Fever to full blown Asian Fetish-itis. I should be locked up in the sanitarium!

So here’s the thing about Antoinette: I think she’s really cute.  I think she’s two or three years older than me at the most.  She’s a SoCal girl and I guess that’s ok.  It’s better than being from this stinkhole of a city.  She has a funny little snaggletooth thing going on so her smile has that weird, deformed charm to it.  She’s in the news and that’s a huge negative, but it’s also the perfect opportunity to try out my sick fantasy with her.  She can pretend to read the news while I give her a good ol’  healthy dose of Bukkake.  Oh!  The very thought of it makes me swoon!

Well, who am I kidding?  Newspeople are protected and sheltered more than the Pope.  I doubt I could get within 5km of Ms. Antonio.  We definitely don’t hang out at the same places.  Shit, I don’t even go anywhere at all!

In a different world, where being a shiftless ne’er-do-well is actually celebrated by all and rewarded with huge sums of money, Antoinette and I could be lovers.  Maybe even a married couple.  But this is reality, Jack!

Reality really fucking sucks.  Where’s my whiskey?